Dear Jack

Dear Jack..are you okay without me...do you know how much I love you..do you know Daddy and Will miss you so much..do you know I look for you everyday...do you know how much you mean to me...do you know what I would do to have you back...love, mommy

Things I will NEVER do again

Eat at Friday's
Have Chicken Picatta
Eat at Longhorn
Buy Pimento Cheese

Hold Jack in my arms

sad trip

On first family trip wo jjr and first trip since boston. So hard to be happy and have fun with heavy heart. Lots of reminders of jjr. Last time I was in hotel rm was fay he died. Wish I had stayed at hosp longer just to hold his hand and talk to him. I hope he feells btr now wo tubes wires etc. I physically ache for him. He would have had fun on this trip.

We miss him most when we are having fun

that's what sam said

Sam reminded me of a funny story about Jack, which made us both laugh and cry.

When he was about 18 months old, we would let him go out in the back yard of our old house



Don't walk into the light~ who has to tell their kids that?

The Loss Of Jack

Has changed every aspect of my life.

I no longer take joy in listening to music, watching TV, or going out with my friends. Everything is permetated with grief, over the losing him.

Will I ever be able to enjoy those things again or will they always be tinged with a bit of sadness?

This is so hard

Incredibly hard, on us as individuals and us as a couple. I look at our wedding photos and wonder, what happened to those people? We were happy, in love, glad to be getting married.

Now look at us. We are both running, in different ways. Sam consumes his time with work, I numbly go through the motions, focusing on the house, Will while I decidedly don't take care of my body.

I am so sad, so lost, just missing Jack. Where is that sweet, sweet boy and how is this possible that I will never see him again. How the years will pile up and I will still not be able to see him. He suffered so.

I blem myself but what more could I have done? I stood by his bed for all tohse months willing him to get better, doing everything I thought I could do.

And even before that we did everything. His medicined was only late 3 times.

That beautiful child.