I used to tell him that in the car. I would say, "Jack, don't ever follow the light or listen to any voices that you don't know. Always come back to me and follow my voice."
Wonder if that kept him alive all those months in 2009. My voice. Telling him he could do it, to tell his heart to relax, to put all those bugs in the bug jug.
Did I prolong the inevitable? Did I cause my son undue pain and suffering? Was I being selfish?
The guilt overwhelms me sometimes. The failure is monutmental. The loss is so great.
Never in my life will I be the same, never in my life will I forgive myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment